~Your kids are becoming you, and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "great," they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything - movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names, but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!

~The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15, and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything, especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you have an accident!

~You used to say, "I hope my kids get married.” Now, "I hope they stay married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "on" and "off" switch.

~When Google, ipod, email, modem were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more four letter words: "what?"..."when?"

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00 p.m. Next week it will be 8:30 p.m.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your husband has retired, you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

~You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear.

~~But old is good in some things: old songs, old movies, and best of all, old friends.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.