The human race rocked along for centuries believing that certain scary people, places and things would remain that way forever. That notion is now as outdated as sensible government spending.

Blame the change on A-bombs and UFOs.

Not long ago you could scare a kid half to death by telling ghost stories around a blazing campfire. Then along came The Bomb, and it took more than tall tales about terrible things under the bed to keep junior awake all night.

Atomic weapons were perfect for Hollywood, and 1950s horror movies routinely featured previously-normal creatures transformed by overdoses of radiation into creepy, crawly, peopleeating, city-wrecking monsters like Godzilla or Mothra or my favorite, The Blob.

As the nuclear threat faded, UFOs took center stage, and Hollywood cranked out film after film about Earth being invaded by little (or really big) green men from outer space.

In the years since, Earth-ending threats like nuclear war, alien invasions and now, global warming, have come and gone and come again. But the classic monsters have survived and thrived. At least at Halloween. At least in my family.

Before he was even old enough for school, my son decided to do his trickor treating decked out as Count Dracula. His makeup featured a painted-on widow's peak and "blood" dripping from his lips. The outfit included a cloak and a pair of fake fangs.

I doubt he scared many people. It was a language problem. He could say "trick or treat," but stumbled over Dracula, which came out as "Jack-uh-luh."

He still did well enough to scratch up a sackful of candy, but never went out dressed as a vampire again. Looks like he gave it up just in time. If he pretended to be a vampire today, my son would likely be tramped to death by young girls eager for a taste of forbidden love.

Who knew it would come to this? High school hickeys from Gloria Stevens were highly prized by my pals and me, but that's as far as we wanted to venture into vampire territory.

But now vampires are back in vogue and more popular than ever. In fact, some are even considered sexy.

The current craving for coffin-sleeping, sun-avoiding nightcrawlers began when Stephenie Meyer wrote a book called Twilight that featured a teen romance between a normal girl and a vampire boy with a lust for blood but a heart of gold.

The book, its sequels and subsequent films have made Twilight a billion-dollar franchise. But like all pop trends, this one soon got hijacked by idiots looking for money, attention or both.

People like California author and researcher William Meyers. Since Meyers once served on a local California school board, educators in Utah's Alpine School District saw no danger in posting on their Web site a social studies article Meyers authored.

But after the article was posted, some parents dug deeper into Meyers' past and saw he had once written that among a crowd of "historic vampires" was none other than...

Jesus.

Color me astonished. This moron claims Jesus was a vampire? I know He rose from the grave, but this is nuts.

Meyers isn't the first person to try and make a buck off blasphemy. But why doesn't he tackle a target that's alive and well and walking among us every day? They're out there.

You can observe these real life bloodsuckers in action if you visit the U.S. Congress. Remember to cover your neck. And your wallet.

And remember the best way to avoid more damage is to go to the polls in November and drive an electoral stake through the heart of each and every one of them.

Your nation will be thankful. Jesus will, too.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@ newnan.com)