Ernest Hemingway would have sold everything he had to go on this hunting trip.

During his lifetime, the famous author was a noted "outdoorsman" who loved to shoot wild animals and haul big fish out of the Gulf Stream.

Hemingway is credited with killing a specimen of just about everything on the planet. With one exception.

Bad eyesight kept Hemingway out of the fighting in World War I, but he spent time overseas as a Red Cross ambulance driver and saw plenty of action in the field. He was even shot several times. But Hemingway never got to shoot back. The rest of his life, the worst he did to a human was bloody them up in a bar fight.

If he were still alive, this latest hunting "adventure" might be right up Hemingway's alley.

You won't find these "safaris" advertised in GQ magazine, or even Field & Stream, but according to recent reports from Ananova News Service, a high-concept Russian company is offering hardcore "adventure" tourists the chance to go on so-called "pirate hunting" cruises off the coast of Somalia.

The tour offers "sportsmen" a chance to shoot at actual pirates (not of the Caribbean) for the low, low fee of $5,000 per day.

Rocket launchers, submachine guns and grenades are included. Passengers wanting more firepower are welcome to pay an extra $10 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and $15 for 100 rounds of ammo. By the way, in case things get rough, retired Russian special forces' thugs tag along as bodyguards.

The yachts cruise close to the Somalia coast, moving very slowly and hoping pirates take the bait and get the party started. If attacked, the terrorizing tourists blast away, hoping to send some Somalis to a watery grave.

Not everyone is thrilled. Even some Russians are upset, and that's saying something.

Russian yachtsman Vladimir Mironov said, "They are worse than the pirates. At least the pirates have the decency to take hostages; these people are just paying to commit murder."

I have hunted and always enjoyed it. With few exceptions, I ate what I killed. And I always felt things would be more fun if the animals were armed, too. But this pirate-hunting scam sounds like a Mafia training exercise for future hit men.

Let's face it, since it's not only unlawful but tacky, most civilized people and nations frown on committing murder. Even if the victim richly deserves killing.

I'm guessing to keep things at least semi-legal, the pirate hunters are working on the selfdefense theory. Once Somali pirates show up and make threatening gestures, noises or gunshots, the "tourists" feel they are free to blast away in "self-defense."

It's not known if dead pirates can be taken back as trophies. Taxidermy services were not mentioned in the story either, but the best hunters always find a way to get their prized trophies mounted.

It's too soon to tell if this entrepreneurial effort will be successful. But it's surprising that so many people have cried "foul" over killing Somali pirates, who are normally considered one small step above dung beetles on the global social scale.

Maybe that's the problem. As bad as Somali pirates are, a few people still have sympathy for them.

Right now, that's more than most of us can say about the U.S. Congress.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan. com)