When asked to predict the 1973 National League pennant race, New York Yankees' legend Yogi Berra coined the now-famous phrase, "It ain't over 'til it's over."

Times change. Catch phrases should, too. Right now, we'd do well to ignore economic gurus and realize that as far as the current economic downturn is concerned, "It ain't over 'til it shows up under."

Confused? Good. That was my response, too, when I read that former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan once said men's underwear sales were an "important economic indicator."

Huh?

According to a recent report by Michael Brush on MSN, this revelation came years ago when Greenspan was being interviewed on NPR.

The former fed chief said that since nobody sees a man's drawers (hopefully), they are the first thing a guy stops upgrading in hard times. He'll keep those shoes new (or wellshined) and don the best outerwear available, but underwear care and maintenance are neglected.

The good news is — at least according to Greenspan — by the end of a recession, men's drawers are usually in such bad shape, underwear sales are one of the first things to pick up when the good times start to roll.

Now it looks like Greenspan wasn't just guessing.

Marshal Cohen studies such things for NPD Group, which monitors consumer behavior. He agrees that underwear sales will jump once male consumers shrug off "frugal fatigue" and get back to buying.

The good news is, better drawers may be right around the corner for millions of droopydrawered dudes. After sagging for months, underwear sales leveled off in February and March. Cohen sees this as a sign that the economy is stabilizing.

Frankly, I haven't yet felt the urge to bargain for new BVDs or fondle fresh Fruit of the Looms, but then I'm always behind the economic curve.

Besides, according to another article I just saw, buying new underwear may be more stressful than wondering if your next paycheck will come with a pink slip attached.

That's according to Christina Binkley, whose Wall Street Journal article revealed the horrors she encountered when she accompanied her husband on a shopping trip to upgrade the undies.

It sounded like Binkley's husband and I shop the same way: know what you want, get in, get it, get out, go home.

But when they visited an upscale New York retailer, both Binkleys were astonished to find there are now more options for underwear than there are crooks selling hedge funds on Wall Street.

Forget boxers and briefs. When Binkley's husband arrived at the male lingerie department, he was overwhelmed by an array of choices that included boxer-briefs, "gripper trunks" and a hideous creation called a "Ybacked thong."

Thongs? For men? If that isn't mentioned as a sign of The End in the Book of Revelations, it should be.

The horrors didn't stop there. The Binkleys discovered even more terrifying choices. Some models "supported muscular movement." Other selections targeted at men with low self-esteem included briefs padded in the rear and one model that "enhances" the wearer's, uh... "profile." (Don't ask).

Binkley said her spouse got so flustered he finally dashed out with a pack of "low-rise, front-button briefs."

Low rise? Front button? Sounds like a set of old-school Levi's.

Now there's a thought. And maybe a marketing opportunity. I can't get in them any more, but I've still got some buttery-soft, fashionablyfaded Levi's I bought 20 years ago. They're probably good for another decade at least.

If Levi's made underwear that durable, I'd never have to shop again. I'm writing the company today.

Indestructible denim drawers may not be in my future, but a guy can dream, can't he?

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@ newnan.com)