It's said that desperate times call for desperate measures. That may explain why, as the global economy dips, the global crime rate soars. And why merchants are taking more innovative steps to protect their property.

One of the most creative crimestopping efforts has just been pulled off in Split, Croatia.

Owners of a local bakery were beside themselves after watching their profits disappear night after night as thieves broke into their posh bun store and dashed off toting hot baked goods and cold cash.

Every conventional anti-crime technique known to man was tried, but the burglars kept coming back. Store owners finally sought help from Hollywood.

They hired former world karate champion, movie star and exercise equipment salesman Chuck Norris to tackle security duties.

Sort of. Norris was way too expensive to show up in person and kick some bakery robber bootie, so the shopkeepers settled for a life-sized cardboard cutout of Norris posing in a fearsome karate stance.

They put the poster in the store window along with a sign that said, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

Guess what? Within a month after the Norris poster went up, burglaries went down to zero.

"To be honest we just started it as a joke, but it really has worked," store employee Mirna Kovac said. "Thieves haven't been anywhere near us for ages. Everyone around here has seen his films, and he's quite a popular character, perhaps even among criminals, so they've decided to leave us alone."

The local residents are also happy Norris is in town.

"We have had a few customers come in and ask us whether they can get Chuck's autograph," Kovac said. "They really believe he is sitting in our storeroom ready to pounce on any burglars."

The Chuck Norris caper proves that perception goes a long way towards solving some problems. Since that's the case, shopkeepers in Quartz Hill, Ca., may want to hire a local 17-yearold girl to do their summer security work.

The girl made headlines recently when she not only escaped from two would-be robbers, but beat them half to death with the baton she totes while on duty as a majorette with the local high school marching band.

Police say the girl was on her way to school when two jerks jumped her. Instead of boo-hooing, she fought back and beat both boys like a drum.

She punched one dude in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and bashed both with her baton before the robbers raced away.

"The girl happened to be carrying a large baton, which she uses in marching band and proceeded to beat both of the suspects with the baton," said Deputy Michael Rust of the Lancaster Sheriff's Station.

"One of them is probably holding his nose, and the other one is limping after being kicked in the groin area. The moral to this story is don't mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve. Final score: marching band 2, thugs 0."

As a former band kid I'd like to send my congratulations to the young lady. I'm not surprised. Marching musicians don't get sports-page headlines, but a few seasons of marching band will make anybody tough enough to tackle just about anything.

And as someone with majorette memories both painful and sweet, all I can say is "You go, girl."

Now the California criminal element knows what band kids have known for years: majorettes can rock you in more ways than one. Always could. Always will.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com)