As we say in the South, "Bless their hearts."

The well-intended but mostly clueless folks at PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, have given us all a few good laughs over the years in their effort to save the world's animals by turning humans into vegetarians.

Some of their nastier ideas, like throwing buckets of blood on people wearing furs, gave PETA some bad publicity early on, but these days, they mostly confine themselves to stupid stunts like promoting tofu turkeys at Thanksgiving.

PETA claims it is all about saving the earth's critters. Or at least some of them. Be honest — when's the last time you heard PETA issue a call to save the dung beetle?

They used to concentrate on cute, cuddly mammals. But a few years ago, PETA attempted to save not just the whales, but all the world's fish. They did this with a spectacularly unsuccessful effort to ban fishing as a form of both recreation and procuring food.

Since dead fish don't carry nearly the emotional impact of a dead deer on a car hood, the fish campaign flopped.

But PETA didn't give up. Now they're back with another attempt to save the fish. This time, by giving fish a new name.

In a recent press release, PETA urged people to start calling them — Sea Kittens.

I kid you not. Sea Kittens. What a load of litter.

PETAns are convinced that giving fish a cute new nickname will change the image of animals whose best physical characteristics top out at "slimy."

Knowing normal people would laugh this one off, Peta did the smart thing and aimed the new campaign at children, probably the children of Hollywood elites and east coast liberals, who are so gullible they might respond favorably to smarmy, childlike nuggets like this one from PETA's website:

"Some sea kittens tend well-kept gardens. They encourage the growth of tasty algae and weed out the types that they don't like. It is particularly tragic when people eat these sea kittens, as their precious little gardens become wild and overgrown in their absence."

Precious little gardens? Did the PETA people ever see "Jaws" or read "Moby Dick?" If so, they'd realize those "precious little gardens" are fertilized with the bodies of dead swimmers or sailors.

You never know, though. "Sea Kittens" might catch on. Even New Coke fooled people for a few days. But PETA might get some unexpected surprises. The record shows that renaming something to boost public opinion doesn't always work.

Years ago, a tuna seller tried to make its product more appealing by calling it Chicken of the Sea. The world tuna population should have hired Colonel Sanders' lawyer and sued. Anybody who's ever been in a barnyard will tell you that being compared to a chicken is not an honor.

You can bet PETA will face stiff opposition from seafood merchants. Can you imagine Mrs. Paul trying to peddle Sea Kitten Sticks?

And what about the Bible? When Jesus was hiring disciples, I don't think he would have been so successful if he had said, "Follow me and I will make you sea kitteners of men."

(Plus, how many loaves and sea kittens would it have taken to feed the multitudes)?

And has PETA considered what happens when a sea kitten grows up? Do they really want a catfish for a spokesperson?

Probably not. It may not be too late to abandon this dopey campaign, but those in charge better do it soon. Now is the time for PETA to sea kitten or cut bait.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@ newnan.com)