A deer stand is either a place or a thing. It is, by definition, a location where a deer hunter waits for his unsuspecting quarry or a mechanical contrivance from which he can do his waiting in quiet concealment.

The first deer stand was doubtless a piece of bare ground, chosen for one of two reasons. 1. The hunter spent forever scouting and observing deer movement patterns and, after weighing all variables, picked the perfect ambush point. 2. The hunter spent all day stumbling around, spooking every deer in the forest, and getting hopelessly lost in the process. Finally, he said to heck with it and flopped disgustedly to the ground, cursing through pooched-out lips. Later, a blind deer with no sense of smell happened by and succumbed to a lucky shot.

Now, in situation #2, an honest hunter would have accurately christened the site a deer "sit," since he was on his duff the entire time. However, there are few honest deer hunters and fewer with the energy or gumption to remain on their feet for more than two minutes. Therefore, "stand" it was and "stand" it remains.

Enterprising hunters thought to conceal their stands with sticks and leafy brush. Thus, the ground blind was born. In Europe, such contrivances are called "hides." In America, however, a hide is a deer's skin with the hair attached and the deer conspicuously absent. A U.S. hunter, sitting around in a deer hide, would, at best, look like a complete idiot or, at worst, be mistaken for the missing deer and shot. "Ground blind" was coined to avoid unnecessary tragedy and confusion.

Then deer got wise to ground blinds. Thus, hunters, ever the innovators, took to the trees, giving rise (no pun intended) to the now-popular tree stand. The first tree stand was more than likely a conceptual accident. Like the hunter who popularized stand hunting in the first place, this nimrod, too, became utterly lost in the woods. However, this intrepid individual did not sit on the ground and pout. Oh, no. Instead, he opted to shinny up a tree in order to get his bearings. Twenty feet into his ascent, he stopped and looked down. Freezing in acrophobic terror, there he remained, petrified, unable to go either up or down.

Like a treed coon, he clung to the side of the big hickory until dark. When the search party found him and talked him down, one member remarked, "Hey, that ain't a bad idea. I don't believe a deer could see or smell you if you're up a tree."

"Right," replied the rescuee. "That's exactly why I waited up there until y'all came along so I could show you what I'd done figured out."

In early tree-stand days, the tree itself was the stand. It was a strategic trade-off. One the one hand, it was superior to the ground blind because of the improved field of view. On the other, hunters became immediately aware that one cannot get stuck in the crotch of a ground blind or fall off the ground. To alleviate the latter, ladder stands and climbers were invented.

Ladder stands can be a few wooden rungs on the side of a tree or portable metal ladders with platforms attached. It isn't impossible to fall off a ladder stand, but given a choice between ladder and rotten tree limb, ladder wins hands down.

Portable climbing stands are lightweight, easily transported, and easily relocated. I personally think they increase one's chances of killing deer. Many's the deer that's died laughing watching me attempt to put the stand on a tree trunk and attempt to climb in it. I have as much chance of becoming PEOPLE Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" as I do of making a climbing tree stand function properly. Also, there's nothing like the feeling of being 40 feet up a pine tree in a 30-mph wind.

When it comes to deer stands, I've known them all, from that original patch of earth to the latest in treestand technology. I have even hunted from miniature houses and from truck-mounted platforms driven from site to site at my leisure.

In retrospect, my place is on the ground, with my back against a tree and my butt on Mother Earth. I realize that means I may never take that often-wished-for trophy, but, heck, surely there's a blind one with no nose walking around out there somewhere.