It was fun watching America celebrate its birthday, but July 4 was extra special during this presidential election year. Patriotic rhetoric reached soaring new heights as candidates went out of their way to wrap themselves in the red, white and blue as they did or said anything to buy another vote.

And things only promise to get better, especially in the scenery department. That's because political advisers have decided that in an era where images are more important than messages, it's not just what a politician says that counts, it's where he or she says it.

For instance ... when Barack Obama and Hillary decided to publicly mend fences after a bruising, bitter campaign, they didn't get together at Splitsville, USA. They held a love-fest at Unity, New Hampshire.

And when Obama decided the time was right to shine his patriotic credentials, he did so in a speech at Independence, Missouri.

As the young people in my office say, "It was, like, way cool."

But why stop there? Almost four months of campaigning await us, the people. Candidates looking to match up platitudes and places have an abundance of offerings that could make this year's campaign the most symbolic ever.

Consider ...

High pump prices plague every American with a car or truck. What better place to debate energy policy than Gas, Kansas. Or if Gas isn't available, Petrolia, Kansas, would be a suitable stand-in.

Health care is also a hot presidential topic. This issue probably rates several debates. The problems could be highlighted in such unhealthy-sounding places as Slaughter, Louisiana, Cut Shin, Kentucky, or Cut And Shoot, Texas. The cure to our health care blues could be argued in Panacea, Florida.

Want to discuss the future of the space program? Forget Cape Canaveral. Candidates serious about going to Mars and beyond should gather at the place named after Superman's home planet ... Krypton, Kentucky.

Since John McCain has a reputation for being cranky, he could lighten up his image with an appearance in Happyland, Oklahoma. On the other hand, since Obama needs to appeal more to what Hillary called "average, workingclass Americans," he might want to schedule a stop in Normal, Illinois.

Since excitement is crucial to campaign success, both candidates need to avoid Boring, Maryland. Speaking of Maryland, I'm not sure a stop in Crappo would do anybody any good, either, unless a sewage disposal bill is pending in Congress. And since ethanol use has shrunk food supplies here and abroad, food and hunger will surely pop up on the campaign trail. These problems could be discussed in either Picnic or Two Egg, Florida.

Sex education is always in the news. Candidates might want to kick off this discussion in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and wrap things up in Protection, Kansas. If there's a U.S. town named Abstinence, locals shouldn't expect a visit.

Of course during a campaign, the main thing to remember is, all candidates lie. They will do or say anything to get a vote. At the end of the process, it would be nice to try and figure out where they really stand on the issues. This could be done two weeks before the election with a nationally-televised lie detector test.

No better place to do it than "Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com)