Senators Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama

U.S. Senate Washington, D.C.

Dear Potential Presidents,

As Hillary said when this electoral adventure began: "Let's talk. Let's chat. Let's have a conversation."

About me.

Sure, I know you folks are so scheduled up it's hard to find a minute to pander to a lone voter. But I'm going to give it a shot anyway.

At least one of you (Senator Obama) was hoping Hillary's campaign would be a memory by Mother's Day, but that didn't happen. I'm not surprised. Hillary may be guilty of many things, but she's never been accused of premature withdrawal. She'll be around until the cows come home or the cash runs out.

But back to business. Meaning me. I have to say I'm not happy with any of you. In fact, I'm so fed up, I may buy a gun or go to church, which according to Sen. Obama, is what frustrated Americans are up to these days.

But that's not the point. I am. And my needs.

Let's be honest. A president can propose budgets and money-wasting programs until he (or she) is blue in the face, but it's up to congress to pass, reject or mutilate presidential ideas until they come out looking like the results of Priscilla Presley's face lift. Once in office, a President's power to pay off a promise is pretty much worthless.

So I'm writing now because during a campaign is the one time a candidate might actually keep a promise. That is, if it's the right one.

I'm not asking for the usual stuff, like lower gas prices or government health care. I don't even want a better job.

I want something that is totally within your power to grant and pay for.

There's just one problem.

For years people have said my goal is totally unattainable, as mythical as an honest politician, as elusive as an ivory-billed woodpecker. Someone even had the audacity to say what I want doesn't even exist. But I think it does. And so, I'll ask anyway. What I want is...a free lunch.

Don't say, "There's no such thing." There could be. With your help.

By the way, I don't want just any lunch. And I don't want just one. I want a season's worth of traditional Southern summer lunches of fresh vegetables, hot cornbread and enough iced tea to float a battleship.

I'm talking about peas snapped on the porch last night, corn clipped when it glistened with this morning's dew, butterbeans you have to brush the bugs off of, squash so fresh it slaps your face and tomatoes served up while the vine they once clung to is still saying "good bye."

Vegetables should be cooked slowly with a generous helping of hog jowl or ham hock for flavor (bacon will do in a pinch, just ask your cardiologist).

This meal isn't supposed to be healthy. It's supposed to be good. And as far as meals go, the Southern summer lunch is the gold standard for good eats.

By the way, I would have grown my own veggies, but it was easier to get a farm subsidy that paid me not to grow food. I spent the savings on gas, but don't get me started.

I'm sure you'll agree this is a suitable request that is perfectly do-able. Once you've caved in- I mean agreed- to my proposal, I'll pass along the name of my favorite gardener and cook.

And please don't tell me to do it myself. That's not the way America works anymore. Besides, y'all have "people." All I have is an appetite. Speaking of which, a batch of little lunch biscuits wouldn't be bad either.

Hope to hear from you soon. Until then...

Happy Eating Your potential Voter,

Alex

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan. com)