Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas! December 20, 2006 Miller County Liberal - Page 17
By: Blake Thomas

Get this, Sydney, Australia city officials warn this year's incoming Santa's for hire against using the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" in this year's Christmas lexicon. The reason being is it may be considered offensive to women. The other reason cited by Sydney city officialsis the phrase may be confused by children to mean the commonly used U.S. slang meaning a prostitute (source: Sydney AFP). Mind you, this is coming from the single largest island continent formerly known as Britain's very own Penal Colony. That sounds funny when you say penal colony; I'd say they have bigger fishto fry, don't you?

What about this team of reindeer Santa has working for him only once a year to haul his politically incorrect physique around the globe? Come on, Dasher, is clearly gay, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen do I need to say any more? Comet and Cupid are obvious throwbacks from the free love decades of the late 60' and early 70's. Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph - an Englishmen, German, and an Irishmen clearly wasted and in need of some form of rehab, especially that one with the red nose.

What's up with all those little men Santa has working for him at his secret hide-away back at the North Pole. Come on, how did we ever miss this one? I can't think of a better guy to be the poster boy for NAMBLA except for maybe Michael Jackson himself. Sure they work hard all year long pounding and hammering their little pieces of wood into toys for little boys and girls that have been nice. Have you ever wandered why the terms naughty or nice? Why not good and bad or well behaved and ADD, or well adjusted and bi-polar? Naughty, have you been naughty or nice little girl?

I've had enough already, haven't you? What's next? Why these ill-adjusted, so called poorly mistreated as children who are now adults don't come forward and be accounted for, peeves me greatly. I'm tired of these people ruining everything that is good and wholesome for all of the rest of us. We get it - you were mistreated by your peers and picked last at recess, get over it and go out and try to do some good. Better yet, just keep your lame thoughts to yourself or in the classroom at your local university psych class, I've had enough! Ho, ho, ho yourself!

When we start listening to the likes of banished criminal British ancestry for guidance in how we should live our lives, it's time to take a long look at our standing. Remember these are the guys whose national slogan involves putting another shrimp on the Barbee and guzzling yet another Foster's beer from a can no less. With a less than adequate national sport they lifted from us and branded it Australian Football, stealing from others goes right along with their past I guess, and now we are going to let them ruin Santa Claus too. Watch it, Australia; you are treading on thin ice messing with Santa.