Up The Creek Without A Paddle
Lose over 12 pounds in less than a week
by Terry Toole

Just in time for Christmas, kind of.

Would you like to lose over 12 pounds in less than a week? Sounds just right after an over-eating at Thanksgiving and the anticipation of doing the same over the Christmas parties and family gettogethers. Wrong!

Last Thursday, I came down with a terrible case of diarrhea. I figured I had picked up a bug that seems to be going around, so rather than give it to someone else, I stayed in bed and near the bathroom. Most everyone said it takes a day or two to get rid of it, so Wanda, Lori, and Max said they had everything under control. Stay away.

That was an easy request, since I couldn't get too far away from the toilet, and finally got so weak, I almost had to crawl to it.

Well, by Saturday morning, I seemed to be doing better, since I hadn't died. I couldn't eat anything, didn't want anything. I was scared to eat anything.

The good part about this is that I was still living Sunday. I didn't have to stay too near to a rest room, but was still weaker than dishwater.

My daughter, Tammy, and my granddaughter, Joanna, tried their best to get me to go to the ER. I did look a bit hollow-eyed. My first wife demanded that I go to the doctor.

Have you ever gone to see a doctor over the weekend for a virus or even a bad case of the diarrhea? I guess I could have called 911 to send the ambulance. I've heard them called out for stomachaches and headaches.

Since I've been diagnosed as having a gallbladder full of stones, I got to thinking, that might just be my problem.

When my doctor called to confirmthat I did have gallstones, he asked me, "What are you going to do about it?"

I replied, "Nothing!"

He replied back, "You will the first time you eat too many fatty foods."

I got to thinking, on Tuesday evening, I went to a cookout down on Spring Creek with a bunch of Methodist Men that I had just finished a Bible study with. We had some of the best steaks you can imagine. Not to eat wrong, I told them that I would bake me a sweet potato instead of regular baked potato. If I had stayed with just that, everything would have possibly been all right.

Being the congenial person that I am, I also ate some raw oysters hulled out on the creek side, and, of course, we grilled a mess of delicious beef sausage as hors d'oeuvres prior to grilling those steaks. That was at about 4:30 in the evening. I'm not sure that did it, but I left there going to our annual Lion's Club Christmas party.

I really didn't eat too much there, just a couple of ribs and a spoonful of baked beans.

I still don't know what's wrong with me, but if it was my excessive eating one night, I have paid dearly for it.

As my first wife reminds me so often, "You're not a doctor."

To my sorrow at times, I replied, "Working with doctors for over 22 years, they always asked me what the patient or victim died from." So in spite of my lack of education, I've gotten lots of common sense knowledge about illnesses.

I hope I'm wrong about this; maybe it was just a virus and being old, it takes me longer to get over it. I will go let the real doctor check it out, especially after several friends have told me how they have lost friends who waited too late to suck out a damaged gallbladder.

I was feeling good enough to partially help out with our Christmas Cantata.

All's well that ends well. No pun. I'm 12 pounds lighter, which I needed to be. I don't recommend this method of weight loss. I still don't care to eat.

My first wife is frequenting the potty as I write. All I can say is, Bless her heart and other area body parts.