READY, AIM... WAFFLE
by Alex McRae

You know politics have gone Looney Tunes when Elmer Fudd is a serious contender for president.

His birth certificate may say "Mitt Romney," but the former Massachusetts governor isn't making headlines for leading the Republican pack in fundraising. He's catching fire for following in the footsteps of cartoon hero, Elmer Fudd, who spent a lifetime blasting away at Bugs Bunny.

Romney's alleged zeal for rabbit hunting put him squarely in the gunsights of the national media after journalists and bureaucrats moved heaven and earth to prove Mitt wasn't the reincarnation of Daniel Boone, as claimed.

Most years, it wouldn't matter. This year, it does. Anti-Mormon rants haven't caused a decline in Romney's fund-raising or popularity, so political pundits needed something else to gnaw on. They chose Romney's latest flip-flop, pointing out that Mitt had once supported gun control and now seems to love guns and gunning when he's speaking to a pro-gun crowd.

The rabbit ruckus started when Romney was caught on tape saying he had "hunted all my life."

Romney sometimes dresses like a hunter, or at least a Banana Republic model. But so does every TV news anchor who reports from a (jungle, war zone, tsunami site, melting glacier or the U.S./Mexico border). It wasn't the faux-hunting gear that raised eyebrows. It was the fact that Romney had never been caught "harvesting" food anywhere more remote than a 7-Eleven store.

After some research in Michigan, Utah, Massachusetts and New Hampshire - states Romney has called home - journalists reported that if Romney had ever hunted, he hadn't bothered to get a license.

Romney staffers rushed out to defend Mitt's murderous tendencies. They swore he had hunted ... twice. Guess that qualifies as "all my life" if you're 3 years old. But the next day the Mittster himself said he had been slaughtering critters since he was old enough to shout "duck."

"The report that I only hunted twice is incorrect," Romney said. "I've hunted small game numerous times, as a young man and as an adult."

Romney then explained that "small game" didn't include undersized bear or bison, much less sheep, otter, beaver, possum or polecats.

His sights were set considerably lower.

"I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter, small varmints, if you will," Romney said. "I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints since then. More than two times."

The whole incident left Romney and his rooters red-faced. But they shouldn't be surprised at the reaction.

History shows Americans will elect a hunter. But we are picky about what our politicians - or political candidates - shoot.

Before, during and after his presidency, Teddy Roosevelt was on a mission to kill one of every living creature on Earth. He made a big dent in the list. Good for him.

Former president Bill Clinton actually killed a couple of ducks while in office. He had the photographers there to prove it.

Current Vice President Dick Cheney went so far as to shoot an actual human being last year on a Texas quail safari. Now that's hunting.

But a bunny? How sad. This brings to mind the antics of former president Jimmy Carter, who set the hunting community to chuckling when he attacked a swimming rabbit with a boat paddle during his presidency. Tales of Carter's "killer rabbit" are still told around the White House campfire.

If Romney can't do better than rabbits and rats, he needs to quit pursuing the pro-gun crowd and court the PETA people. Americans will vote for a real hunter. We don't need a pest control expert.

But hunting isn't really the point. Honesty is. With apologies to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., where Romney is concerned, voters are more concerned with the content of his character than the caliber of his carbine.

(Send your e-mail comments to: alex@newnan.com)