No matter how seemingly perfect any romantic relationship, there will be times when the two of you disagree. It would be unnatural if conflicts didn't occur. You and your partner are two different people. No matter how much you love each other, you still have different personalities, tastes and backgrounds. Sooner or later, disagreements will occur.

However, relationship disagreements don't have to be problems. In fact, they actually can help strengthen a relationship and the respect each of you has for the other. But for that to happen, it's important to learn to fight fairly and find effective ways to resolve conflicts.

A starting point is identifying what the source of the disagreement really is. It's not unusual for a couple to forget what originally prompted an argument, or to find that each has a different concept about what really is the issue.

Once you're agreed on why you disagree, it's time to work out the conflict. That doesn't mean a screaming match at bedtime when you're both tired, or stoney silence and carefully ignoring the problem and the other person.

Instead, start by finding a time when you're both rested and able to give the problem your full attention without being interrupted by family, friends or work.

Because your goal is to work out the problem, not destroy the other person, start with some common sense ground rules for arguing fairly. Don't for example, blame the other person or insist that he or she is wrong. Doing so just puts that person in a defensive position and all the more determined to fight to the end.

Instead, take some responsibility for the problem yourself (after all, it's a fifty-fifty chance that you may just be in the wrong). Use positive "I" statements that talk about your feelings and thoughts, rather than "you" statements that have you telling the other person what he or she supposedly feels or thinks.

Most importantly, listen. Rather than just planning your argument, give the other person a chance to talk and explain. Really listen to the feelings and emotions being expressed.

It takes work to fight fairly and resolve conflicts in a relationship, but the result can be a partnership that is stronger, with each person respecting the other more. The most important thing to remember is that the relationship is what should come first, not winning the argument at any cost.

"The Counseling Corner" is provided as a public service by the American Counseling Association, the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals. Learn more about the counseling profession at the ACA web site, www.counseling.org.